Now, the last it seems that I seemed to mention things on here, I was flirting with a “certain gent”. But as it turned out, I think he liked more the idea of me than actually making us a reality. I may be a romantic, but I am a realist. So I rushed off to California instead of dwelling on what could have been.
As mentioned in my previous post and alluded to in the post before that, I had some potential with Army Blue Eyes. We had an amazing date. Over drinks and dinner I got to know him and see a whole new side of him. I wish we had gone out earlier on my trip but sadly our single date happened just the day before I was slated to leave. But we had had a huge flirting chemistry before that. Even when I returned we kept talking. There were still text messages exchanged and several hours spent on the phone. While I definitely wanted more, he seemed to not make any move. I suspected that it had to do with the fact that he was in the army and he did not wish to start something while he knew he had years of being deployed and shuffled around. But we still flirted though I let him go for that moment as a real option.
In September I met someone else. I even flew out to Denver in early October to meet up with him. We had a lot in common and it seemed like we were on the track for something special. I cleared up my apartment and moved back home, hoping to be able to save up enough money to move to Denver and see where it could lead. However, over the Christmas holidays things began to crumble. We never even got to open the gifts we had gotten one another. I just felt that we just weren’t right for one another. He was too sulky, erratic and petulant. I’m sorry to say, I like my men to be men and I really hated having to reassure him every 5min. I never did anything for him to continuously doubt me and then hold imaginary things against me.
Then about a month or two after I reconnected with a friend.. and we sort of seemed to be evolving into something more. I was even applying for jobs in his area. I did about 3 phone interviews but nothing seemed to be panning out. I did try though but it seemed not to be enough for him. Either that or he was too immature to want any sort of commitment with someone. Forget the fact that I was making the full effort of trying to move, all he had to do was be willing to wait and try. But he wasn’t and we weren’t meant to be.
This brings us to about this past May. I was still talking to Army Blue Eyes as a friend and he was going to deploy mid-May. So before he did I laid it all out… what I thought of him, how amazing we seemed to be together and the serious potential we saw in one another. It took a lot of courage but I just wrote it all out for him. But my original suspicions were correct. While we could be this amazing couple and I’d be willing to wait for him, he considers it to be unfair to ask that of me.
Needless to say, this bombshell’s vanity and pride has been bent, deflated and kicked apart this past year. I don’t know what else is in store for me. I won’t say I’m openly looking for someone but I do leave myself open and willing to consider the possibilities should the right person comes along. A part of me still wants to wait for Army Blue Eyes to be ready, the logical part of me knows that with men its a good chance that they might never be ready.
I feel very much like Rapunzel on this island. Locked away, so unreachable. Perhaps I just need to wait a little longer so I can use my own hair as a ladder to get myself out of here.