Emerging of the Bombshell Within

An eclectic view of a girl's life

A girl speaking about her fears November 14, 2010

Filed under: Random musings — bombshellwithin @ 7:44 PM

They say that there is nothing to fear but fear itself.

Maybe that’s true.  A lot of the things we believe we are afraid of can be boiled down to just general insecurities.  We get nervous and anxious and are ready to state that fear is what is standing in our way.  Often times, we are our own greatest obstacle.

In my case, I know I’m my harshest critic.  But there are some things I’m afraid of.

Like spiders.

And snakes.

And Death.

And snakes.

And being alone.

And being alone with snakes.

Or spiders.

I’m also afraid of stupid heights.

(ie: standing on step ladders or a chair and that stupid height will scare the bejeezus out of me)

Did I mention snakes?

I did?

Oh.

Then you get the point.

Some of these fears are perfectly logical and normal.  I mean, what happens when we die?  Is there a big blank nothing?  Does it go dark?  Do we relive parts of our lives?  Do we relive all of our lives?  Do we become other people in another life?

Please hold…

I’ve made myself hyperventilate.

OK.  I’m back now.

I think.

The reason I got to thinking on fear was my reading my brother’s comment on a recent post.  I realized that the reason I’ve taken so long to do this (this being taking a plane and moving on out) is that I’d been too afraid.

And it’s the classic fear that I describe as being afraid of the edge.

  • I’m not afraid that I’m making the wrong decision.  In fact, I’m pretty positive that I’m making the right one.
  • I’m not afraid of leaving behind my family.  I’m going forward to a pretty great support system.
  • I’m not afraid of what I’ll find when I get there.  This is going to be a brand new stage of my life and I need to go out there and live it.

The fear of the edge isn’t that you’re afraid of falling or failing.  The plunge is part of the thrill, really.  But the edge is that ledge… standing on the precipice beyond which all you see is open air.  To take that step…

(Image borrowed from Flickriver & a very talented person by the SN of Silversldr)

Well, anyone who has visited Crashboat beach knows just how long it takes me to jump off that pier.

But I ALWAYS jump.

More than once, too.

It just takes me like 15mins of pacing on that pier to get the guts to do it.

So, here I’ve been… on this edge in my life.  Not really making progress but not taking steps backwards; knowing I needed to keep going but not sure if I had the guts to take the leap.

But I always jump.

And this coming Saturday I will be literally flying.

 

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