One of the entries I remember most on my blog was one I wrote just before Valentine’s Day in 2008 (even though it was posted on the 14th, I had obviously been staying up late feeling a little sorry for myself as the entry was likely posted in the early hours of the morning). It was back closer to the beginning of my having my blog but the sentiment was a genuine one. Many who have gone back and read my blog from it’s very beginning remember it as well. They always remark to me the impact of the entry.
If only I had a dollar…
for every time someone told me
that the entry had made them cry
I would be able to pay my cell bill for a year.
And this past weekend, as my semi plans for pre-Valentine’s were dashed, I couldn’t help but feeling much as I felt when I wrote the original entry.
Lonely with immense melancholy.
And a healthy dose of self-pity.
You see, I understand those who say that Valentine’s is an unnecessary holiday; One crafted to sell lots of cards, chocolates and flowers in the feigned expression of commercialized love. It’s true that a lot of people take it out of context and make it seem like it’s for all the wrong reasons. But it’s also true that Valentine’s Day has been around since at least the 16th century in much the same way as we know it today… though it’s a remnant of Roman pagan religion that was adopted by Christianity.
It means so much more to me than the receipt of some heart shaped box of chocolates, you see. I always try to make it special for those around me. I try to give them little cards or flowers, so they know they mean something to me. There was an article I read recently that said something along the lines that we have other holidays slated for religion or being with family, what’s so wrong with scheduling in a holiday to commemorate romance? What’s so wrong with giving someone a bouquet of roses on a day where the gesture is somewhat expected?
What other holidays can that happen?
It’s not like you get flowers on most any other time of the year… much less on just any day when those who are anti-Valentine’s are touting how they celebrate their love daily.
That’s not to say that I don’t understand how many different gestures can be romantic… and how little things show one’s love for another. I see that all too clearly too.
But what about someone who wishes someone would remember them…
and get them flowers…
just because they wanted them.
There isn’t a holiday set aside for that.
And it doesn’t seem like anyone remembers it…
On every day for the rest of the year.
So where does that leave the girl who wants flowers?
I suppose it leaves her still wanting flowers… because in the 3 years since she has written that entry… she still hasn’t gotten flowers just because. And that makes me a little sad because I know in that time I have seen others get flowers… and I have also been the one giving them to others. I do it with all the love in my heart… without expecting anything in return. But if one believes in some sort of cosmic karma… shouldn’t flowers then find a way to get back to me?
They say that one should give without expecting to receive anything in return.
But my feelings on that are much the same as my feelings on Valentine’s Day.
I think the absence of something is far more telling about one’s feelings.