A girl finally being able to blog about it July 10, 2010

When posting about Army Blue Eyes yesterday, I had done a little search to see when was the last time I’d talked about him.  How time flies!  Then it occurred to me that I have not updated about myself when it comes to relationships… and considering the last cliffhanger I left in relation to this, I think I have been terribly remiss.

You see, I had been getting to know someone long distance since the beginning of the year.  Things had been going well and we spent countless hours talking and on the phone together.  But then he suffered a stroke and the first 2 weeks while he was in the ICU and the hospital, it was hell.   I felt helpless and I was numb.  Then it was a month of having to deal with communicating with him while he was in a Health and Rehabilitation center.  All the while, his mother was a close contact with me and we were just trying to be hopeful… praying every moment.

But as the weeks passed, reality had to set in.

And while once upon a time, we thought that a relationship might have been viable, everything had changed because of the stroke.  He would likely remain handicapped; there were still months of rehabilitation to go.

I was also VERY tired of crying…

I was crying every single day.

So, on the last week of school, when I knew my life was going to be changing, the topic about our future was approached.  The dust had settled from the initial panic and upset and our paths were clear…. and it was suddenly very apparent that our paths were leading in separate directions.

I was so afraid of being judged harshly for choosing myself.

I didn’t speak about this for a week, at least.

It has obviously taken me nearly a month and a half to consider blogging about it.

So… where does this leave me now?

Exploring options, I suppose.

It’s not like I have not tried to date someone local.  I have searched and been open to the possibilities of exploring things with someone local but they haven’t been appealing.  The ones I seem to have any connection with live elsewhere.  It’s exhausting and I really don’t feel like I have it in me for a long distance relationship.  I mean, I have to invest so much to stay emotionally and mentally connected with my best friends as they are all now long distance… but we have a solid basis and memory of having once been together.

I guess, I just always wish to feel like I am being romanced and courted… to not be taken for granted.  There seems to be a return of someone that I once shared a connection to but only time will tell.

Maybe this time around I’m feeling more like Sleeping Beauty… waiting for my Prince to come.

At least I always know I'm in good company.